“Yes, but…” When Fear Leads To Self-Sabotage in Therapy

“Yes, but…”

It’s the phrase that keeps so many people stuck in relationships that hurt, whether that’s at home or in the workplace.

If you want change but find yourself resisting it, you aren’t weak. You’ve likely already tried everything: coping, reasoning, waiting, and forgiving.

When you’ve experienced control or gaslighting, your brain begins to see change as a danger. It’s understandable to feel afraid. But staying in the "buts" often means staying in the suffering.

Effective therapy involves challenge:  

• Labelling what is actually happening. 
• Challenging the patterns that keep you stuck. 
• Practising new ways of thinking and behaving.

It can be uncomfortable, and it can sting. But on the other side of that work is freedom.

Real change doesn't happen all at once; it starts with tiny steps and the willingness to experiment with doing something differently.

I’m Ellen Whyte. I work with clients internationally to navigate this process in a safe, supportive space.

If you’re ready to explore what doing things differently looks like for you, contact me.

 

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Want an adventurous, enriching 2026? Try this different approach

Video on my Instagram.  There are people who commit to huge goals in January and go all year, like those watch ads and there’s the other 99% of us who get the watch and it stops there. 


If you’re one of the 99% I have a radical idea: don’t set yourself up for misery. Do 2026 differently. 

Try my suggestion that will enrich your life.

There’s a push towards constant development: work hard, improve yourself. 
There’s a second push that says: do one thing and get really good at it.

My view: meh. 

Strategic investment of your time and energy is key. 
Plan your career carefully. 
Spend some time looking into yourself and being the best you.
But there’s such a thing as too much push. Life is about having fun too. 

So for 2026, make it a year of exploration. 
Don’t commit to one thing; do things for a fortnight or a month.
In January, I walk around three parks. In February, I check out two museums. In March I take a three hour salsa class.

Think of it as a taste testing of life. Broaden your horizons, relax and have some fun.

That’s it! Happy New Year. Wishing you lots of laughter 

How to Survive the Holidays With Difficult Family. You’re not alone — and it’s not too late to plan your escape.

When Holidays Are Problematic

England is frosty cold so the cats are napping under the feather duvet and the humans are enjoying hot chocolate. Yum!

This month with Christmas, Hannukah, New Year and then Chinese New Year coming up, it’s timely to talk about difficult families.

If you dread seeing family, know you’re not alone. Also, I will outline how you can help yourself. 

First, if you feel alone in this, national surveys and studies tell a different story.

In the UK, about 20% of people are estranged from at least one family member, and about 2.7% of young people are estranged from their parents. Link    

In the USA, 27% of people are estranged from at least one family member, and about 10% are estranged from a parent or child. Link

In Asian cultures, family bonds are idealised, but reality can be very different. In Malaysia in 2021, two elderly people were abandoned each day. In Singapore and India, governments use laws to force estranged kids to maintain parents. Link

So, if you don’t get along, please know it’s very, very common. People are complicated, and life isn’t Disney. 

The secret to surviving holidays is planning. You know your family, and can predict how they’ll operate. Think like a general and work out a battle plan.

Three steps to success:
•    Write down triggers, and work on responses. Rehearse so you’re word perfect. Pro tip: this also helps with managing your emotions!
•    Know your boundaries. Decide at what point you walk out.  Have a safe place set up in advance.
•    Focus on self-care rituals before, during, and after the visit.

Start now, so you’re good to go for next month. 

I know it’s hard. I’ve been there. If you’d like a personal practical strategy plan, WhatsApp me to book a session.